God’s Mistakes

Isabella Astuto

When God planted all the flowers on Earth,
Laying each seed meticulously in the ground,
Blanketing them each in its own layer of dirt,
Did he make any mistakes?

Did any of the seeds claw desperately at the soil above them, 
Suffocating and forcing them 
Just below the surface until they sprout, 
Now trying to shield their petals from the light of day, 
A lily born in a carnation’s body

Or maybe those cats that 
“Really just act exactly like a dog”
Darting around the background with the labradors and retrievers,
Meowing incessantly to match their canine counterparts’ yelps

Well because
When my ribs ache and my chest is marked with bruises from restraints that are newer than my current age, 
Holding back breasts that now seem foreign to my form,
When I stand under harsh dressing room lighting and berate my body for filling out those slacks a bit too nicely, 
When I run my fingers through my hair and it stops at the nape of my neck and there’s nothing to pull out from the back of my coat as I wrap it around me 
I don’t wish the feelings that could erupt from my chest on my most terrible enemy

But when I can’t stand who I was born as 
And feel like I’ll never be what I desire to be, 
When my innermost being feels too feminine,
Too girly, 
And the short hair and pants and binders don’t stop the gas station cashiers from calling me 
Young lady,
I wonder if humans are the only species God fucked up so royally

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On ‘God’s Mistakes’

​​This poem depicts the author's struggles with their gender identity and their religion. They believe in a God, but know the way they struggle to present as who they feel they are on the inside. Did God make mistakes with all creatures and creations, or just humans?

The illustration in the poem’s thumbnail is ‘Give My Body Back’ by Skyler Chen (@skylerchen).